baby i've seen it all before ...

So I'm here. Officially. Moved in. I'm a Bostonian. I didn't think this day would ever come, but now it has. I'm sitting in the ballroom at Theology House, listening to some Amos Lee, and I'm in Boston. I'm not coming home till Thanksgiving. Wow.

All in all, I am pretty chill right now. It's nice to really, truly live somewhere again. I have my own room here, which is really nice. the girls around me seem to be pretty great too. A few of us hung out in the downstairs living room for a little while tonight. Everyone seems to be pretty intelligent ... and sarcastic. Which is definitely a great combination. This should make for some pretty sweet conversations and eventful nights. A city like Boston has endless opportunities for excitement and enjoyment, and these seem like the kind of people I want to experience this place with. Of course, you never know a person until you've lived with them, so we should all know each other quite well by the end of the year. Not only will we be living together, but we will also be taking many of the same classes, being angry at the same professors, and reading the same books.

We have orientation beginning tomorrow at 7:45 a.m. We'll see what happens the rest of tonight. I can't tell if this is a late night bunch or not.

i'm rockin' the suburbs ...

So today was my last day in Dyersburg. Not that I've spent any time here since high school. This is the longest I've been at home basically since I graduated. It's been good, though. Mom and Dad and I have the best relationship we have ever had. I never thought during certain years of my life that we would ever be reconciled the way we have been. There are very few things that I would be uncomfortable discussing with Mom, and I really like it that way. I see my friends who are always at odds with their parents. They don't feel comfortable telling them anything about their lives. I can't imagine not being able to share my life with Mom. I can't wait to be in Boston, experiencing so many new experiences, and I know that at the end of the day, I can call Mom and she will share the joy and excitement of the journey on which I have embarked.

Tomorrow, I'll be heading back to my home of the last four years. Murfreesboro has been home to some of the highest and lowest times in my life. It's hard to believe that all the events in the past four years have happened in such a short time period. Laura and I realized recently that it has been three years since our life-changing summer at camp. It feels like so long ago, but it almost seems unreal now. It's all like a dream -- sometimes a nightmare. Even the last few months have been some of the best in my life, but there are moments that seem almost dreamlike. Mostly the worst ones. Vivid dreams, but dreams nonetheless.

I just know that I have given my all in everything I have done in the past four years. Whatever it was I was doing, I was doing to the best of my ability. Sometimes the best of my ability wasn't enough for some people. But for most of those people it wouldn't have mattered whether I had given all or nothing, they still would have made my life difficult. The more I think about it though, I realize how much I have grown in the past four years. As a Christan, as a woman, as a youth minister, as a friend. I know that as I move on to this next stage of my life, I will be better at everything I do, not because of the best times, but because of the ways I have grown when things didn't go my way. I expected to learn more from my own mistakes, but I realize now that even if you don't do anything wrong things can still get as bad as ever. You can't control what the people around you do, thing, or perceive, and sometimes no amount of truth on your side is enough to counter them when they have coerced the right people.

The only thing you can count on is the idea that the Lord knows all and takes care of His children. So far, He has taken care of me in ways that I never expected. It's always at the moments when you think that no one is on your side and everything is falling apart that He suddenly shows up, reminding me that He was actually always there. I've pulled away from Him lately, but He never gives up on me. I can't wait to see the things He has to show me and the places He will take me as I move on to Boston.

My biggest fear is my ability to keep in touch with all the people here in Tennessee who I care about so much. Even those I haven't been the best at keeping in touch with since I've been in Murfreesboro. I'm beginning to realize that although I may not see some people any more than I have in the past few years, I will no longer have the option to do so. It's no longer a three-hour drive to see people in Jackson or Knoxville. It's now a few hundred dollar plane flight plus a few hours' drive. Although I have no problem being far away from home -- and I don't think I will even once I'm there -- it just isn't something I'm used to.

I'm just going to end this post abruptly like this.

UPDATE: Space bags

So turns out the name brand Space Bags don't work nearly as well as the PackMax off-brand kind. Just FYI. We returned the brand name ones. So yeah. Go cheap.

procrastination ...

So we got some of those Space Bags you see on TV that you put a bunch of stuff in and vacuum it and it smushes it all down flat. And they're pretty much amazing. I got my comforter, 2 pillows, 2 sets of sheets, a fleece blanket, and my foam mattress pad all in one and its like 3 inches thick. Yeah. I'm pumped.

we all need a place where we can go over the rainbow ...

So last night was the last time I get to see most of my kids for a long time. It was probably one of the most difficult nights of my life. I know that won't be the last time I see any of those kids, but that doesn't make leavng them for the time being any easier. I know I'm supposed to start a new life in Boston, but when one group of teenagers has been my entire life ... and I do mean my ENTIRE life ... for so long, I just want to take a little bit of that life with me when I go. I just hope that those who say they want to stay in touch actually do stay in touch. There is nothing that will make me happier when I'm settling into my new life in Boston than to hear some encouragement or just an update on people here in the Boro. Just because I'm moving on doesn't mean I've forgotten or don't care. Because I certanly do. And don't forget, I'm never more than a phone call or e-mail or facebok message away. Love you all.

all i needed was the love you gave ...

This is going to be harder than I thought ...