drumroll please ... you all asked for it.

So I wasn't going to do this, but because everyone is asking and I don't want to have to make that many phone calls, here's the wonderful, fantabulous, romanticized, awesome engagement story:

Will picked me up from the airport in Memphis on Wednesday before Thanksgiving, along with my wonderful kitty Harriet whom I was just about as glad to see as Will (don't tell him that!). And as most of you probably know, I was hoping that he would, in fact, propose over Thanksgiving break, so I was on my toes for it from the time I stepped off the plane. Little did I know, he would really get me good.

We drove to Dyersburg to my parents' house, took a little chill time, and then Mom and I went to Grandmother's to get my car (which I was also excited about being reunited with). We had the ulterior motive of giving Will time alone with Dad so he could have "the talk," with Mom actually knowing he was planning to do it that night, and me still hoping maybe he would. We came back, and Will and I headed out for our anniversary date to Abe's.

(Side note for those of you not from Dyersburg, and especially those of you not from West Tennessee: Abe's Ribeye Barn is actually the nicest restaurant in Dyersburg. It is a barn, as you can see from the pictures, but inside it actually is a pretty fancy restaurant, and not just in relation to the rest of the places in town. So when I say Abe's Ribeye Barn, think nice restaurant. I promise. D-burg people, back me up.)

So when we get to Abe's, Will brings in this big square package wrapped up, and all I can think is that DEFINITELY isn't a ring. I was right. We had a delicious steak dinner, and afterward he gave me the package, which turned out to be an AMAZING scrapbook he had put together for me. And it actually was good, and not just good for Will, the guy voted least likely to ever scrapbook, ever. And that will probably be the last one. So I resigned myself that that was it, and he wouldn't be proposing that night. 

Then, as we were leaving, he says he has "one more small thing" in the car. And again my ears perk up, as a "small thing" is what I was hoping for. But it's raining, so he pulls the car up to the door of the restaurant. The odd thing was that he backed the car in. Yeah, weird. He pops the trunk, and his disc golf bag is in there, as always. He points to a pocket and says that my gift is in there. So I open the pocket and see the edge of a disc. Now at this point, everything in me knows that he is now NOT going to propose, and that he has just dyed a disc for me. (One of Will's hobbies is dyeing disc golf discs with neat designs and whatnot, and he has dyed a couple for me already, so I figured this is just another one.) So literally, every possibility of him proposing just then leaves my mind for good, and I reach in to pull out the disc. And of course the disc says, "Will you marry me" on it. I was so caught off guard at that point that I just started blubbering like an idiot at that point, and I turn to him, he gets on one knee and opens a little white box containing the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, and then  he asks me to marry him. He had to ask me again, because I'm not sure that anything I said actually contained the word "yes" anywhere in it, but he promises that I eventually got it out. 

I realized later that November 21 is actually the date of our first official date, so Will actually proposed on our second anniversary! Too sweet. You should ask him about the story, too, because I'm sure his perspective is completely different! 

I'll be putting some fuzzy pictures of the ring on Facebook soon, but I'm pretty sure it's impossible to take a clear picture of a ring. So that just means you'll have to come visit me and see it in person. 

As far as a date for the wedding, we haven't even begun to worry about anything specific because there are too many factors to consider before then!! However, it will tentatively be sometime in June 2009. If any of you know of a broadcasting job that will be opening up after this May, that would certainly be helpful as well though!! 

the moment you know I'm sure you come runnin' baby ...

So blogging is the last thing I should be doing right now. This is my next 2 weeks:

Tuesday, Hebrew Bible quiz; Thursday, 8-page paper due; Friday, 15-20 page paper due; Tuesday, 8-page paper due, Wednesday, fly home.

So it may not look like a lot written out that way, but seriously, that's a lot of stuff to get done between now and then. And add to it about 600-700 pages of reading and it gets even more fun. I know I'll survive, and there's a wonderful light of Thanksgiving and seeing family and Will at the end of the tunnel, but it's really hard to see from this perspective, with all of that blocking my view. I know it will all get done. Hopefully. But it's going to be an interesting next couple of weeks.

I'm definitely ready to be back in Tennessee for a few days. It's already getting into the 30's and 40's here during the day and my body is really having a hard time with it. Seriously, after the first cold day I came home and as I was getting ready for bed, my throat started to swell up and my nose got stuffy and headache and all of that wonderful stuff. Claritin is the only thing keeping me going right now.

The worst part about it is when I say anything about it being soooo cold already, I'm greeted with mocking laughter at the fact that "this will feel good in a few weeks." Thank God I'm spending most of January in Tennessee, with people who understand that 30 degrees IS, in fact, COLD. Maybe not as cold as it could be, but it is still quite cold. I understand that 90 degrees is hot, even though those of us from TN know that it is a blessing after weeks of 100+ temperatures in the summer. But ah well, regional craziness abounds.

I'm definitely, more than anything else, ready to see Will and Harriet. I got so used to being around animals every day (speaking of missing Harriet here, not Will) last year, and now I just miss that kind of companionship and greeting when you get home. Not that living with 20ish people in a house can't be similar sometimes, but it's just not the same as a little furry body climbing up into your lap just because. And as far as Will goes, it will have been 3 whole months since I last saw him. That morning in the Nashville airport was tougher than I ever imagined, and as it gets closer to time, it gets more and more difficult to be patient. I'm starting to settle in to life here, and I so desperately want him to be a part of it. I hate that he can't come up this semester, but I understand. It's expensive, and he certainly has responsibilities back home. He's really getting a lot of jobs lately, so his resume is looking better and better. I know that the job search up here isn't going to be nearly as difficult as he thinks it will be, but I just really hope he's able to find something in the city, or at least not too far out of the city. I can't bear the idea of him suddenly being so close, but still unreachable without a car. Well, all remains to be seen.

And now I must return to paper writing and reading and all manner of exciting stuff.

grand slam in the first inning? yes, please.

I love living in Kenmore Square during the playoffs for the World Series. A Grand Slam in the first inning is just the greatest start to our game finally back at Fenway, and a 12-2 win with one game left away from the World Series just feels good. I never pegged myself as ever becoming a baseball fan, but it certainly has happened. The Red Sox have stolen my heart (well, not the same heart that Will certainly owns already), and I couldn't be happier. I think we're going to try to camp out over at Cask N Flagon all day tomorrow so we can be at Fenway during the game tomorrow. It gets crazier than I have ever seen anything during games, and I definitely want to be part of it! I may not always live in Boston, but the city will always have a piece of my heart in Fenway Park.

I'm pretty sure this church history exam is going to be ridiculous. Of course any test that covers 1,000 years of history is going to be ridiculous to study for. I'm finally getting into the swing of things with that class; I just wish I had earlier in the semester. So hopefully I can deal enough with the notes I have along with review sessions to make it work. The exam is only 15 % of our grade, so I just have to do reasonably well. I think I can manage it. Hopefully.

moving on to perfection ...

I can't believe I've only been here a month and a half. I already feel like I have started this amazing life here in Boston, and I feel almost completely settled. Well, as settled as you can in a house of 20. Which for me isn't all that settled. But I like it. I have some of the greatest friends of my life, I love my classes, I love the school. Everything is just as I had hoped and more. 

Not to mention I get to go to Lakeshore next summer. Going back is going to be yet another adjustment in my life, but I couldn't be more excited. I'm ready to go back and give to the place that gave me so much for so many years. I feel like this time I'll be there more selflessly than ever. I have a sincere desire to work with this staff at a place where I believe God is present in a way unlike any other place. (OK I know God is equally present everywhere, but those of you who have been there know what I mean)

I can't wait to do ministry in a place where I don't have to worry about what people are thinking about me or my way of doing things, or of the relationships I have, and if they are concerned, they will come to me in love instead of going behind my back or over my head to try to solve a problem. I've never understood how that is an appropriate means of handling something in  a Christian setting. Paul's pretty specific on how to handle things like that, and that ain't the way. 

But I've been reminding myself daily that I will never be able to control the actions of the people around me, above me, or behind me around the corner just waiting to strike. Paul says that if you aren't being persecuted, you're probably not living out your faith. So there ya go.

Studying Methodist history has really been an eye-opener to me as well. Looking at Wesley's original intent for the Methodist movement, I have to ask myself how we got to our present state. Methodists were the movers and shakers in society -- not financially at first, but the Methodists did stuff that was really innovative in their spiritual lives and in their worship. They used hymns and met in small groups, singing constantly and always holding each other accountable for their actions. Why don't we ask anyone "How is it with your soul?" anymore? Do any of the people at your church have any idea about the spiritual life of the person next to them? Of the people in their Sunday school classes? Of their spouse even? What kind of a community is it that is not concerned about the other people within the community? Oh sure they sit together at all their kids' sports games and know exactly what everyone's personal business is, at least as far a scandals are concerned. But are we really allowing ourselves to be candid with each other? Vulnerable? Accountable? Where is your accountability? Do you have any accountability?

And how many of the people actually are worshipping during Sunday morning services? If I really, really focus and force myself, I can put myself into a worshipful posture during a traditional Methodist service. But is that the purpose? Is the purpose of corporate worship not to provide a space that is conducive to worship, to put together a service that encourages an encounter with the divine, and not with a regimented order of worship that ABSOLUTELY CANNOT last past noon?

I have recently started attending a nondenominational church here in Boston, and the first Sunday I was there, I realized how long it had been since I had really had an experience of corporate worship. I realized how much being a Christian really is, as Wesley says, a social calling. A community is necessary for the sustainment of a Christian witnessing life. Tears nearly streamed down my face in the God-experience I had that morning. 

Now I'm certainly not saying that no Methodist churches provide this kind of experience. I know they are out there, and I am certainly going to have to find one when it comes time for the job search. But it breaks my heart that many of our churches have fallen so far from the Wesleyan model, from Wesleyan ideals, from the foundation that Wesley gave us to structure our church. The Wesleyan Quadrilateral is great (reason, experience, tradition, scripture), but there are so many facets to each of those pieces. Methodism took rise in cultures that were in turmoil, in the midst of change, because it was willing and able to adapt itself to fit its surroundings and cultures. So why, in the midst of the great evolution of Christian worship we are living in, when everyone is searching for a new way of doing things in order to better connect the divine with humanity, why is Methodism still using liturgy that doesn't create a worshipful space for so many of its parishioners?

What can I do to change that?

sunny day, sweepin the clouds away

I love living here. Today it's somewhere around 80 degrees, and with no humidity, that's amazing. Tomorrow will be in the 90s, but unlike back home, that doesn't mean I can't leave the house. The only air conditioning I have is a box fan in my room and the breeze off the Charles.

I'll probably be singing a slightly different tune come November, but right now, life is good, the weather is gorgeous, and I'm the least stressed I've been in a really long time. God is good like that.

I meet with my field ed director tomorrow to discuss possibly doing my field ed at Lakeshore next summer. Update to come.

I finally got a chair for my room. No more bad karma from studying in bed! Yay!

Speaking of which, I need to go do some of that.

I thought i would be able to post more often, detailing many of my adventures in the big city, but it has been such a whirlwind I haven't had time to stop and breathe since I've been here. The most unusual thing is that it simply doesn't seem unusual to be here. I thought there would be this transitional period, where riding on the T and living in a century-old house with 20 people and taking crazy theology classes would just feel odd. But everything has just fallen into place. I have a solid group of friends for the first time in a very long time. I'm already ahead on reading for classes, and keeping up with what's going on pretty darn well. I have a job for which I do very little and get to work with some great people. Just falling into place.

I definitely miss Will, but not unbearably. Life here really is great, and it would just be greater if he were here to share it with me.

I'm finally getting a chair today. Finally.

long road home.

I was prepared for them to all be unsupportive and unhappy. I expected to have to make my case.

I wasn't prepared for them to be unhappy but supportive. I'm confused.

I don't understand. When vanilla would work, satisfy, suffice. But super double chunk chocolate fudge chip is just as near, just as easily obtained. Why would you want vanilla? Why would you tell someone else they should settle for vanilla?

jane be jane. it's better that way.

So I was offered a job at the School of Theology today! I was actually going to defer my work study until next semester, but now I'm glad I didn't. I'm now the new Community Life Assistant for STH. What that means exactly I'm not completely sure yet. Right now all I know is that I provide coffee for students three days a week each morning. Which will keep me getting up nice and early every day. And I may even end up being a coffee drinker. Who knows. Crazier things have happened. Like my moving to Boston. Supposedly this job could turn into something more permanent, too. Which is a nice thought.

for just being human ... ?

I've almost been in the city a week. Tonight was my first night to really miss being in Tennessee. I talked to Will, and all the guys were out of town or out of the house or whatnot, and he was feeling pretty lonely. It's hard to hear, because I'm definitely not lonely, but I definitely miss him. I usually just want him to be here experiencing all of these new and great and wonderful things here in Boston, but tonight I really wanted to be out somewhere in the country, falling asleep somewhere under the stars.

There aren't any stars here.

I really like stars. Love stars.

Hiking on concrete isn't really hiking. It isn't pretty; it's just practical.

baby i've seen it all before ...

So I'm here. Officially. Moved in. I'm a Bostonian. I didn't think this day would ever come, but now it has. I'm sitting in the ballroom at Theology House, listening to some Amos Lee, and I'm in Boston. I'm not coming home till Thanksgiving. Wow.

All in all, I am pretty chill right now. It's nice to really, truly live somewhere again. I have my own room here, which is really nice. the girls around me seem to be pretty great too. A few of us hung out in the downstairs living room for a little while tonight. Everyone seems to be pretty intelligent ... and sarcastic. Which is definitely a great combination. This should make for some pretty sweet conversations and eventful nights. A city like Boston has endless opportunities for excitement and enjoyment, and these seem like the kind of people I want to experience this place with. Of course, you never know a person until you've lived with them, so we should all know each other quite well by the end of the year. Not only will we be living together, but we will also be taking many of the same classes, being angry at the same professors, and reading the same books.

We have orientation beginning tomorrow at 7:45 a.m. We'll see what happens the rest of tonight. I can't tell if this is a late night bunch or not.

i'm rockin' the suburbs ...

So today was my last day in Dyersburg. Not that I've spent any time here since high school. This is the longest I've been at home basically since I graduated. It's been good, though. Mom and Dad and I have the best relationship we have ever had. I never thought during certain years of my life that we would ever be reconciled the way we have been. There are very few things that I would be uncomfortable discussing with Mom, and I really like it that way. I see my friends who are always at odds with their parents. They don't feel comfortable telling them anything about their lives. I can't imagine not being able to share my life with Mom. I can't wait to be in Boston, experiencing so many new experiences, and I know that at the end of the day, I can call Mom and she will share the joy and excitement of the journey on which I have embarked.

Tomorrow, I'll be heading back to my home of the last four years. Murfreesboro has been home to some of the highest and lowest times in my life. It's hard to believe that all the events in the past four years have happened in such a short time period. Laura and I realized recently that it has been three years since our life-changing summer at camp. It feels like so long ago, but it almost seems unreal now. It's all like a dream -- sometimes a nightmare. Even the last few months have been some of the best in my life, but there are moments that seem almost dreamlike. Mostly the worst ones. Vivid dreams, but dreams nonetheless.

I just know that I have given my all in everything I have done in the past four years. Whatever it was I was doing, I was doing to the best of my ability. Sometimes the best of my ability wasn't enough for some people. But for most of those people it wouldn't have mattered whether I had given all or nothing, they still would have made my life difficult. The more I think about it though, I realize how much I have grown in the past four years. As a Christan, as a woman, as a youth minister, as a friend. I know that as I move on to this next stage of my life, I will be better at everything I do, not because of the best times, but because of the ways I have grown when things didn't go my way. I expected to learn more from my own mistakes, but I realize now that even if you don't do anything wrong things can still get as bad as ever. You can't control what the people around you do, thing, or perceive, and sometimes no amount of truth on your side is enough to counter them when they have coerced the right people.

The only thing you can count on is the idea that the Lord knows all and takes care of His children. So far, He has taken care of me in ways that I never expected. It's always at the moments when you think that no one is on your side and everything is falling apart that He suddenly shows up, reminding me that He was actually always there. I've pulled away from Him lately, but He never gives up on me. I can't wait to see the things He has to show me and the places He will take me as I move on to Boston.

My biggest fear is my ability to keep in touch with all the people here in Tennessee who I care about so much. Even those I haven't been the best at keeping in touch with since I've been in Murfreesboro. I'm beginning to realize that although I may not see some people any more than I have in the past few years, I will no longer have the option to do so. It's no longer a three-hour drive to see people in Jackson or Knoxville. It's now a few hundred dollar plane flight plus a few hours' drive. Although I have no problem being far away from home -- and I don't think I will even once I'm there -- it just isn't something I'm used to.

I'm just going to end this post abruptly like this.

UPDATE: Space bags

So turns out the name brand Space Bags don't work nearly as well as the PackMax off-brand kind. Just FYI. We returned the brand name ones. So yeah. Go cheap.

procrastination ...

So we got some of those Space Bags you see on TV that you put a bunch of stuff in and vacuum it and it smushes it all down flat. And they're pretty much amazing. I got my comforter, 2 pillows, 2 sets of sheets, a fleece blanket, and my foam mattress pad all in one and its like 3 inches thick. Yeah. I'm pumped.

we all need a place where we can go over the rainbow ...

So last night was the last time I get to see most of my kids for a long time. It was probably one of the most difficult nights of my life. I know that won't be the last time I see any of those kids, but that doesn't make leavng them for the time being any easier. I know I'm supposed to start a new life in Boston, but when one group of teenagers has been my entire life ... and I do mean my ENTIRE life ... for so long, I just want to take a little bit of that life with me when I go. I just hope that those who say they want to stay in touch actually do stay in touch. There is nothing that will make me happier when I'm settling into my new life in Boston than to hear some encouragement or just an update on people here in the Boro. Just because I'm moving on doesn't mean I've forgotten or don't care. Because I certanly do. And don't forget, I'm never more than a phone call or e-mail or facebok message away. Love you all.

all i needed was the love you gave ...

This is going to be harder than I thought ...

His joy's gonna be my strength ...

I moved my books out of the office at church today. It was really difficult. The pictures, the cards, the letters ... the memories. St. Mark's has changed my life and shaped my calling as much as Lakeshore at this point. Leaving this place and these kids just breaks my heart. I want to move on, and I definitely want to be in a different place and go to school. But can't I take them with me? I know that this is where God is calling me, and I want to follow. But, much like leaving Lakeshore for my last summer, it's difficult to leave behind the places and the people who have helped make me who I am. I'm having some of the same mixed feelings as I had at the end of summer 2005. I know I'm doing the right thing, and I am unbelievably excited about it, but it doesn't make leaving any easier.

Sometimes you wanna go ...

One month. One month from today, I will officially be moved into Theology House, on the campus of Boston University, overlooking the Charles River, a block or two from Fenway Park, in the heart of Boston, Massachusetts. Wow.

And they're always glad you came ...

Exactly one month from today I'll be entering the city, making my way through the amalgamation of streets, rail lines, and majestic architecture they call Boston, Massachussetts. The whole idea of people actually living in a place like Boston is still unreal to me. You visit Boston -- no one from Middle-Of-Nowhere, Tennessee, actually goes there to spend more than a week or two. I see all of these people I went to high school with who have actually gone off to college, but they end up back in Dyersburg after (much too often before ...) they graduate. They seem happy, and I guess that's how we end up with so many million-year-old families in one small town. But for me, that just seems so mundane, so boring, so easy. There is so much world out there, and I hate to break it to some folks, but Dyersburg ain't it. Don't get me wrong, growing up there was a blessing. But I spent over seven years of my life there. Seven of, maybe, 100. Seven percent of my life in the same house on the same acre of land. There is so much more world out there, and I've seen that part of it. Now I've seen the Murfreesboro and Nashville parts too. It's time to move on. Recent events are making that moving on a little easier. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned even more about other people and how much the world really does suck. I've especially learned that being on the side of the truth and being honest and honorable don't always pay off, either. Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth, so they won't ask for it. Sometimes giving your whole life and self to something just isn't enough. Sometimes you just know that you're ready to move on.

One month, five days ...

It's getting closer and closer. Boxes are taking over my room. Maybe they'll pack themselves.